Attitude is Everything: The Energy You Bring Shapes Your Life

Vallen Webb (: 00:00

Hey love, welcome to another episode of mindset shifts for moms podcast. So excited for today's episode because it's something that I have had to work so hard on every single day that I started my personal growth journey back in 2016. And it's been one of the hardest things because it is so deeply ingrained with me in me. And so today's episode we're talking about attitude.

attitude is absolutely everything the energy you bring shapes your life that is the title of our episode today. If you're new here, I'm so happy you're here. This is a space where we grow, we grieve, we build, we heal, we break down again, we heal again, like so I'm just so happy you're here. I'm thrilled that you've decided to spend your time with me. If you're watching the podcast or the

the video. I may mess with my eye a bit. have like an eyelash or something. Anyways. So today's episode is about something that shifts everything when we really start to pay attention to it. And that's our attitude. Attitude is really it's the energy. It's the energy that you bring to your day. It's in your relationships. It's in your goals. It shapes absolutely everything that you do.

And you're going to hear me reiterate a lot because it is so important and I want you to grasp it. Sometimes if we say it more than once and we repeat it, sometimes if we say it a different way with a different tone, a different energy, you'll get it, it'll hit for you in a different way. So.

We're really just gonna dive into how attitude changes everything in your life from how you parent, how you dream, how you pursue those dreams, how you show up in the really tough seasons of your life when you gotta have that resilience and that positivity. And this episode, if you know me, if you've been here a while, you know that I love Proctor.

Earl Nightingale, Jim Rohn, these are all motivational speakers. They are all people who have developed this mindset work that really changes people's lives. And they've changed mine. So this is what I share. It's basically a love letter to your mindset and a reminder for you of how much power you have in your life with your attitude. So.

We'll jump into the first part of this episode, which is why attitude matters. And I wanna start with a quote from Earl Nightingale, and it's, your attitude is your window to the world. Think about that for a minute. Your attitude is your window to the

Think of your attitude as the lens through which you see everything. So just imagine, okay, if you're not watching the video, I'm holding up like a frame around my face and it shifts wherever I look. And imagine you are in a really bad attitude, you're pissed off about something, somebody said something that set you off and everything the rest of that day is viewed through the lens of that terrible attitude.

And what does it look like on the other side of that lens?

It looks absolutely terrible. You're pissed off about everything. Everything is bothering you. Everything is a problem. Things are compounding. You see more of the bad things when your attitude is shit.

Your attitude is how you experience everything. Okay? It filters the good, the bad, and the in-between. It affects how you interpret every single situation. It affects how people respond to you, and it affects even how you respond to yourself. Okay? And here's the kicker. Here's the piece that sometimes, a lot of times, we forget.

I forget it almost every day. I have to consciously remind myself. Our attitude is one of the very few things that we can control every single day, okay? We are in control of our attitude, especially in motherhood where so much feels out of our hands. And I want you to, sorry, I'm baby monitor, make sure both still sleeping.

Yes, if you're new here as well. I have four children and my youngest is turning two in June. And so nap time over here for mama.

I know a lot of you might be like, no, Val and that's absolutely false. That's shit advice. Like, where do you get this crap? When I learned that I was 100 % in control of my attitude, it made me angry. And of course I was the victim. There's no way that's true. I would never choose to be in a bad attitude and a crappy attitude. I wouldn't choose to be

You know, we think that we would, if we had that choice, we would be happy. We would make things better, right? Every day.

But the truth is we haven't learned how to control our attitude, how to develop our attitude. There are parts of us are in parts of our attitude, parts of our personality that yes, we do develop that come from our genetics and our genes. But there's so much that comes from our environment. And if that environment is not teaching us

how to develop all these skills. Creating, consciously creating a good attitude is a skill. So I never want you guys to think that I think you suck, and that you don't know what you're doing, and you are choosing a bad attitude, et cetera. You may not have known that you can control your attitude. I mean, when we're in the throes of everyday life and people are pissing us off, right?

Our kids are irritating us. They're being so ridiculous. we're like, you're making me so mad.

We cannot control what goes on around us.

But luckily, and fortunately, we do get to control our attitude and how we handle those situations and how we control ourselves. And again, this may be like brand new news for you. And that's okay. Like that's the point of why we're here. Consciously navigating our lives, consciously navigating our mindset. I think Bodhi's up.

So whether it's tough in the morning, like with your toddler, or there's a delay in reaching your goals or finishing college or you're navigating grief, maybe you've lost a baby or a parent, your energy, your attitude is an energy and it can make that stuff heavier or lighter. And now I want you guys to remember just like a little caveat when it comes to grief, when it comes to acute grief, especially when you

It just happened to you. This thing happened. my god, of course you're not going to be in a good attitude. Of course you're going to be down in the dumps. Of course you're going to be devastated. You're going to be all of these things and that's okay. It's okay that you're there.

This is not something that can be perfect every single day, you guys. This is just something that we can try to work on every day. After Evelyn died, there's no way I sat around thinking, you know, my daughter died, but I'm gonna be positive about it and I'm gonna find that good. Nope. It took me four years to even consider that there was a silver lining or like anything good that can come from it. But...

If I inherently think that my daughter was this beautiful little creature and she was here for me for a purpose and that she was inherently good just from being just from being born just from being here on earth. Of course something good would come from that. Okay. So if you're really new in your grief of whatever it is you're going through even if it's an everyday struggle financial issues.

problems with your husband or whatever like it's okay to be in a shitty attitude. We're not going to be perfect at this and we're definitely not going to choose a good attitude initially when bad things are happening to us. Okay. And especially if we've never been taught the skill.

So what's funny, okay, well, I don't know if it would be funny, but Earl Nightingale was one of the more originators of the motivational speaking, okay. There was Thomas Troward and...

few of them back in the early: 1900

we become what we think about.

That's the strangest secret. That's what this whole book is about. And it's not a big book. You know, it's like maybe like this then book, but I'm like, that's the secret. That's what this book is about. That's, that's what, you know, Bob was so excited. I was like, that's bullshit. But as I reread this book, we become what we think about. If you're constantly thinking to yourself, you suck.

You're terrible mom, you're doing things wrong, you're terrible employee, you're a bad friend. What do you think you become?

those things.

If you want to be a good mom, if you, I don't know, if you want to write a book, you want to start a podcast, you want to have more kids, you want to find the man of your dreams, like, how are you gonna do that? If we become what we think about, we have to become the person.

who thinks about those things, the good things that we wanna be. That might be confusing, but basically we become what we think about. If you're constantly thinking about bad things and how you're bad, that is how you are going to be. You become that. Just like if it's good, like you become what you think about and you're a positive person and for the most part you're like, yes, I got this, like it's gonna be okay. That is the person that you are.

I mean, it's so profound and so simple that sometimes we're like, what?

Vallen Webb (: 10:13

And then next, it's, here's where a little neuroscience nerdiness comes in. So they have found when you cultivate a positive attitude, you literally rewire your brain. Now cultivating,

The word itself, I think, really, I want you to understand, it takes time. It takes a lot of purpose and intention. Like think about cultivating a garden. like decide the things that you wanna plant. You gotta figure out what grows next to each other great, what doesn't, what kind of soil and amendments you wanna add to the soil, where to plant it, how much sun it needs. You have all of these factors.

that you have to work with, not against. So when we're cultivating a positive attitude, it does definitely take time. It's, again, it's a skill. We have to learn how to do this. And then the rewiring your brain part, that is just making new neural pathways in how you're thinking and feeling now. So it's just a new path that your brain is gonna follow. And then,

These studies show that optimistic people, more positive attitude people, they have lower cortisol. So the stress hormone, have lower amounts of it. Better immune function. So you get sick less. Higher pain tolerance. You're better able to handle and tolerate pain and uncomfortability. And then you also have,

more positive people have more successful outcomes in work and relationships. And again, this isn't like...

I forget what I was just gonna try and say. It's obvious why. Like, people wanna be around you when you're positive. People wanna be around you when you're full of light and life and love and you're, you know. It doesn't mean you don't share the hard things, but you're very aware and intentional about how you share those hard things. Not speaking the negative back into existence because remember we are.

what we think. And, but also, the things that we say hold so much power. And someone argues so much more power than just the thoughts that you're thinking in your head. So to me, it's like we're not just what we think, we are also what we say we think we are. So basically, your brain releases dopamine and serotonin.

when you engage in things like positive self-talk, gratitude practices, which means better focus, motivation, and resilience. So a good attitude isn't just something we want to feel better, you know, it doesn't just feel nice, but it builds the momentum in your brain and in your life. When you start cultivating that positive attitude,

and good things start happening. And you're like, wow. So you're connecting the outcome to what you're doing, the skill you're building with a positive self-talk. And then you're like, wow, okay, I am building momentum. Like this is, it's kind of getting easier and easier and easier to be the type of person that thinks these really positive, great thoughts. And that momentum leads to more.

and higher self-esteem, self-trust. We're learning how to trust ourselves because we're actually doing something that we said we would or that we wanted.

And so like, my husband is the one who got me into Jim Rohn, but also Carrie Green, Carrie Green. I talk about her often because I'm just I love her so much. She is such a powerfully positive person. But listening, if you know who she is, you also know that she works very hard at it. Every day.

She was raised that way. Her dad taught her power of your thoughts and writing down goals and dreams and things like that. She was taught from that place. So she is so amazing at it. And the way that she explains it and teaches it to you is just incredible. And Jim Rohn is the same. Jim Rohn, if you guys ever get a minute, just get on YouTube and type in Jim Rohn.

and his last name is spelled R-O-H-N, Jim Rohn. He has a way about him. His personality is entirely unique. Like you can't miss his voice anywhere. You can't miss his humor and his laugh anywhere. And it's infectious and it's, he gives you tough love, but with such theatrics and laughter that.

you don't get annoyed that he's right. You're like, wow, you're right. That's what I should be doing. So something he said all the time in so many of his trainings and videos is don't wish it was easier. Wish you were better. I wish I could say it better than him. Or I wish I could say it even as good as him. But don't wish it were easier. Wish you were better.

You can't change what's going on around you. But you can change yourself.

so you can be better. And my gosh, I don't know, that one always hits me. Did it hit you? Like, that, that like, oof. Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better. Sometimes I think a lot of us think it would be so much easier to control everything that's going on around us.

than what is then handling was on the inside. I think learning how to control what's going on the inside is much harder. Because we at least get a semblance of, you know, control and power as we're navigating the outside world. You know, this is done, this is done, this is done, kids are fed, like, we get some validation from that. But when it comes to internal growth and personal development,

We kind of have to be that cheerleader for ourselves and remind ourselves where we were and where we are now.

I want you to remember too, this personal development, this whole being better, thinking better thoughts, being in control of your life, it's not about hustling to do it, right? It's not about how hard you can work every day to do something, do this, that, that. It's more about personal responsibility.

and with self-compassion. Because sometimes we are gonna fuck up. And that's okay. You know what's even better? Like what feels better than fucking up?

is taking responsibility for what you did and moving on. Okay, I did this. I didn't get up today. I missed a job interview. Like I fucked up. I fucked it up. I take full responsibility for that. It wasn't my alarm clock didn't go off. It's not my phone wasn't plugged in. It's not you know, any of these external circumstances that happened. It was me. I did that. I messed up.

And that's when I say, you know, with self-compassion, because we can take responsibility and still feel compassion for ourselves and still be like, you know what, Valen? Okay, we messed up today. But not only did we apologize and we took responsibility, we're here. We're taking care of ourself. You're, you know, you're okay. We're human. Remembering that we're human.

Again, we can't always control our circumstances, but we can control how we show up. We can control what energy we're bringing and we can choose how to see the world. I always thought, I mean, okay, so one of my mother's favorite quotes, I guess, don't know where she got it or why she, I kinda know why she thought that way, but it was always life sucks and then you die.

You guys, I probably heard that every day of my life from like 12 or 13 until, know, we became estranged. Life sucks and then you die.

And so that's how I grew up feeling that life was. And I could not control what came out of my mom's mouth and how and what she spoke to me, through me, about me. But as I got older, I realized that I am responsible for how I choose to see the world.

just because my mother chose to see the world that way because of her experiences, you know, her background, her childhood abuse and neglect, like.

I don't have to see it that way. I am my own person. And so the truth is when you shift your attitude, you attract better outcomes. People wanna work with you. They wanna be around you. They wanna, you you're the person they call when they wanna go do something, when they wanna have fun, you know, when they wanna feel.

light and just unbothered and not worrying about all these everyday trivial things because remember things may be going on in our lives like that you know we may be having financial struggles we may be having relationship struggles we may be having troubles with parenting and it's okay to talk about those but it's not okay to sit in it every single day and just drown

whatever positivity that you have into like darkness, was gonna say, you got dark. But you attract better outcomes. Again, your kids respond differently to you. They become curious and they wanna start like emulating you in a good way. Cause remember kids don't do what you tell them, they do what you do.

You know, when you have a positive attitude, when you shift that attitude and you start, your goals don't feel so far away. Your dreams don't feel so far away because you're giving yourself hope. You're giving yourself.

Space to dream and hope not shutting it down, right? Your energy becomes a magnet. I mean I can speak in business in a lot of ways like as My energy changed as I got Grew and got old like it's not cuz I got older But it's just one of the benefits of getting older most of the time if you're if you are somebody who works on yourself

I was attracting and I'm still I'm attracting all these people that just reach out to me like, I found your stuff. You're amazing. Like, I want to work with you. I want to like connect and collaborate and do all these things. Like, I didn't even have to find these people. They found me. And so

Yeah, we have two more parts. And this next piece is about gratitude, the magic, the powerful magic of gratitude.

There's so much, there's so much I could say.

Let's talk about the fastest way that you can shift your attitude, shift your energy. And if you probably guessed it, but it's gratitude. Gratitude is not denying what is hard. Gratitude is not denying what is going on around you and the hardships and the stuff that's going on in the world. We're not denying the real hard truth.

We're making space for what's still good. Gratitude allows us to create the space where there is good in the world, where there are good things happening in our life around us, to people around us. So.

And I want to preface this by saying...

Like especially if you're in a season of grieving and maybe you've lost somebody close to you, you can feel grief and be grateful at the same time. You can be overwhelmed and still pause to say, thank you so much for this warm coffee or this ice cold coffee. Oh my God, thank you so much for this baby giggle, this smiles.

For me, something that I do, oh man, every warm, every beautiful sunny day, I literally will stand outside, my face pointing towards the sun with my eyes closed, my glasses off, and I'm just like, thank you so much for the sunshine, thank you, thank you, thank you. It makes me feel magnificent, it makes me feel so good, I get goosebumps and tingles, you know, and the wind is like just right and it's nice and cool and the.

The sun is hot and just beaming and it's just all of these physical sensations. It has a way of just, it has a way of taking your breath away and just making you be so present and in the moment.

That's the most beautiful thing about gratitude. It's not just that it'll shift the energy and the attitude that you're in.

it grounds you in the present moment.

It grounds us. It's just phenomenal. Just the feeling of gratitude, the ability to be in gratitude.

The present, we got to remember that the present tense, where we are right now, we don't have to be anywhere else. This is where our power lives. Growth and healing, I believe, happen in the present moments. Whether we notice them right away or not. Because when we're thinking about the past and...

We're thinking about the future. We can say things like, I wish I would have done these things. And then in the future, it's like, I want to do these things. Okay. Past present or sorry, past future. What about the presence of the present tense? Okay.

I want to feel this right now. This is the person that I am. This is who I am. And we're talking about the now space in those present moments. And so I just want you to take all that in because, and I want you to keep it super simple.

And then let's just jump into like, let's make this real. So you're not just here to be inspired, right? I really want you to know how to shift your attitude and your energy. Yes, I can just tell you it's gratitude, right? But then you're like, okay, what do I do? What do I do with gratitude? Like, do I just say it out loud? Do I write it down? Do I, whatever it is, right?

So I'm gonna give you four really powerful ways to just start living with a high vibe attitude today. Okay, and the first thing that you can start doing, and again, you don't have to do all these things.

just take one and run with it for a little while. But number one would be a morning gratitude practice. So.

Before you even grab your phone, I want you to have a gratitude journal by the side of your bed. And every morning when you wake up, I want you to list 10 things you're grateful for. And I say 10 because we can always easily come up with like three or four things. But the more you have to think about,

the harder it is, but the more potent this gratitude becomes. Because in the beginning you always nail down the really simple, easy things to see, right? And the more you do, the more you have to think a little more deeper about it. And it can be so simple. I'm so grateful I woke up today. I'm so grateful that my child is safe today. I am so fucking thankful there's coffee in the house.

This really, just starts your brain on a positive frequency and it begins your day with expansion, not stress and like squeeze, right? Expansion. Number two is reframe negative thoughts. So we cover this. I mean, this is gonna be covered all the time guys, cause this is the stuff that really will change your life. And this is the stuff that helped me. So this is the stuff I will teach you.

talked about this before, but when something hard pops up, pause and ask.

Where is this coming from? What is this trying to teach or show me? How can I grow from this? And you guys, you can just write these questions down and answer them every day. Like every time something, every time a negative pops up, pops up, just answer these about every thought that you have, every trigger you have. You'll learn what's going on. And again, this isn't about toxic positivity.

It's not about pretending. It's about reclaiming that power of ours that we really have in the present moment. I feel like so much of us live in other people's lives when we're on social media all the time. We live in the future and today or tomorrow and the next day and the next week and vacation and the year and all these things. Our power lives in the present tense.

So just really becoming curious about the thought patterns that do not fit who you are, who you're wanting to really be. Number three, choose energy boosters. So if you're feeling really low, do not wait for motivation. Because honestly, when you're in a little depressed lull, when you're really low,

Motivation is gonna be fucking nowhere to be found. You need to move into it. So go outside and feel the sun. Drink a huge glass of water. Stretch your body. Get the blood flowing. Put on a song that makes you just feel amazing and so alive. You know, I find that nostalgia.

nostalgic songs that me and my friends used to club to just bring me this energy that I felt when I was 18, 19, 20, 21, 22. moving your body is the fastest way to shift your energy. Okay. Yes, gratitude, but moving your body because you're literally moving that energy, that stagnant negative energy through your body faster.

and you're activating all these things in your body. And it's just like wanting to shake off your negative energy, jump in place, wildly swing your arms, like move. It doesn't have to be pretty. I feel like now I just dance like an idiot and I don't care, it's fine. But this is for us, this is to feel better. Number four is really anchor gratitude.

even into the chaos. So all the all the really

chaotic points in time during the day. School drop-offs, toddler tantrums, laundry and dishes and things are just piling up. Just take a deep breath. I'm not kidding you.

Inhale the flower or smell the flower. Blow out the candle. Okay, that's what we tell our kids. And just say thank you so much for this moment. Thank you so much for allowing me to be here. It's guys, this isn't about being perfect. It's about presence, right? We're trying to stay in the present where our power is, where our growth and healing really happen. And no matter what is going on around you.

You have the power to pause and be intentional about how you want things to feel.

Light a candle. Put something really good smelling in your car. Put your gratitude journal in your car for after school pickup. Like if you have to sit there for a few minutes and your kid's in there screaming, yelling, your toddler, your baby, start journaling some things. You can even just journal things like, I hate the noise. This is so overwhelming, blah, blah. And then later, use those questions for...

reframing the negative thoughts.

and do that instead. This is so flexible. You need to do what really, really works for you in the moment. And so I really wanna leave you with this.

Your attitude is your energetic signature. Okay? It's how you meet the world and how the world meets you. You don't have to get it right every day. You really don't. But know that you can start fresh every moment. After you have a bad moment, you can start over. That is the incredible thing about life. So today, just choose energy that feels like love.

Choose moments that bring you peace. Create moments that bring you peace. Remember, being intentional. Choose a perspective that creates joy rather than stress. Your kids feel your energy. Your dreams feel it too. All those thoughts in your head. Attitude is everything. And you, my beautiful friend, are so powerful. And...

I mean, I know for me, I've given my power away a lot of the time. And once I started reclaiming that a few years after Evelyn died, things like really started shifting.

There's this

believe he was a psychologist. His name is William James and he's, he's, um, he helped to, um,

He helped found psychology as a formal discipline. And he said, the greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes.

It's not about changing the world around us. Obviously that's what we all wanna do to make it better, right? But before we can do that, we have to, have to, have to work in a world first. We have to create that attitude and that person that we wanna be that will change the world or change our world for our little people and our little babies. And so,

I hope I hope this resonated with you. If you know if you if you love this episode, though, make sure to share it with another mama who's maybe in a funk or tag me in your gratitude practice. I would love to see what you guys are doing for your gratitude practice if you're following along and doing it.

just in general raising the collective vibe of the world. Mothers, mean, mothers are my thing. But doing it one breath at a time, one gratitude line at a time, like we don't have to do it big and explosive in the beginning. Everything starts with these small steps. So I love you guys so much. I hope you enjoyed this episode.

Make sure for Mother's Day, know, White Elm is doing their Mother's Day sale, which is buy one bag, get a smaller bag half off, and it's incredible. And you can also use my code VALENWEB to get 10 % off as well. So make sure you're doing that if you're looking for the biggest, most beautiful, functional, gorgeous bag that you need for like work, play dates, diaper bag, like everything bag.

It's incredible. I own one and that is the only reason I will ever share these things with you guys. If I truly believe in it, I will share it. So again, white elm, W-H-I-T-E-E-L-M dot shop. And my code is valinweb. So super easy to remember. Get those Mother's Day gifts. Tell your husband about it.

And then please, please, please make sure to rate the podcast. If you could get me a five star on Spotify or leave me a beautiful comment if you love the episode on Apple. It's really helping get other new listening moms to the podcast so that we can really spread the word on getting our mindsets in check and living these beautiful lives. So thank you so much for being here and I'll see you next week.