Manifestation for Moms: The Science Behind Your Thoughts

Vallen Webb (: 00:01

Hi love, welcome to an episode of the Mindset Shift for Moms. I'm so excited to be here today. If you've been listening to the podcast for a while, it has changed from pregnancy loss education to life loss and motherhood and now mindset shifts for moms. I'm a very multi-passionate person and I love talking about mindset and manifestation and...

how to really enrich your life and really build the life that you want. So let's get into it. Today's episode is called The Science of Manifestation in Motherhood, How Your Brain Creates Your Reality. So really the objective for today, I want you guys to understand, especially as moms, the scientific and the physiological principles behind manifestation and mindset and how our

Daily beliefs and daily thought patterns can shape both your life and your child's development. This is something I was not taught as a child. My parents didn't know. They weren't taught this. So it's really understanding how we affect everything around us and using that power to really create.

the life of our dreams. And I know that may sound like cliche, right? But when I say life of our dreams, it's, whatever you think, whatever you feel is your dream life. Like, what does it look like? And I think a lot of us think it's like extravagance, right? And riches and abundance, which we all want, and it's all available for us. But I realized that, and we'll talk about this later. I'm getting way ahead of myself. So let's just talk.

Um, that's just a bit about why I am so passionate about motherhood and mindset shifts for moms because I probably had, I just, I remember when I was, when I became a mom, okay? And I was 23 turning 24 and I was not in the mindset to be a mom. I had no idea what it meant.

And at this stage of my life, I do not think anybody can be completely prepared for motherhood. No matter what you read, no matter what you do, no matter how many classes you take, prepares you for the death of your old self and the rebirth of that new self. There's just really no good way to make anybody understand what that means.

Which is fair. I mean, we have to figure it out, but I want to be able to give you the tools to make it better sooner. I wish that I had these tools when I was a young mom. Now I lacked emotional maturity and now that I am emotionally mature, 11 years later, I can understand it now. So if there are some things in here, you just don't understand it. It may just be

You're not to that point yet in your life or your parenting or your motherhood and that's okay. Take take what helps you let go of what doesn't. I will always say that. But yeah, I so I just want to start out with a bit of a personal story. So for me, I one of my really negative thought patterns and emotions was resentment.

I honestly could not tell you why. And because there was no one reason, right? And that resentment was towards my husband. And I realized this.

Well, I realized it along like when in the beginning of a relationship, but when I could really understand how it was affecting our relationship, like there was just one specific thing that I always did. And that's when he got home, I was in the worst mood. Okay. I'm talking about wouldn't make eye contact with him. Was just mad at him for no really reason other than not being there all day to support me.

I was just really upset and I think it's important to also note that I was really alone. A lot, especially in the early stages, if you're a military family, you've left a home that you've known your whole life, most of the time, and you're learning how to make friends again, especially because a lot of us have had the same friends since we were children. We're learning how to be adults.

and handle adult issues and handle like money and handle, know, learning how to communicate with another person, learning how to live with another person. Not always fun, okay? But I was fucking resentful. I was just so pissed off every day he would come home. It literally went on for years. And of course then that in turn made him like, wow, like.

He just couldn't understand why I was treating him that way and made him not want to be home. And it made him not want to be around me when he got home. it was a really bad pattern and I, I noticed it for a long time. And I will say it's probably been about

Two or three years since I completely stopped doing that.

I'm like, why the hell am I being so mean? Why am I ignoring him? Why am I acting like he abandoned me all day when it is far from the truth? He was at work providing for his family, right? So that is just, that is the biggest.

like negative belief that I held for a long time. It's the biggest like

thought pad negative thought pattern that I had and it was doing nothing but hurting our relationship.

And it really, it just, it impacted our marriage. It impacted how I parented once he got home, um, even during the day, like, cause I'm like, must be nice to get away from these kids. Cause I was again, emotionally immature. And I just wanted to run away because I had no support and I was there with them 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. And, uh, probably about 300 days of that year all alone. Um, when he was off on deployments.

So I felt that resentment and I knew quite a few other military wives that felt the same way, right? It is a lifestyle and I hate when people say like, chose that. No, we chose.

I guess financial stability and having insurance and having, you know, a built-in community. we chose to leave our hometown because it wasn't good for us. But we didn't choose being alone. That's never the case. So let's talk about manifestation. I know that the word is used a lot lately.

And it's, feel like we make it, some people make it super simple. Some people make it so difficult to understand. And then by the time like, we're like, okay, well, I've read all this. I've listened to this. Like, what do I do? Where do, what do I do? So as simple as possible, manifestation is turning your thoughts and your beliefs into reality. And you do that through consistent.

focus, emotion and action. And the buzzword there to remember is consistent. And so I want you to note that it's not magic, but it can feel like magic. Because when you think something and it happens, you're like, whoa, I did that. And it's okay if you don't believe us. It's okay if this doesn't feel good for you. Like this is what I believe it's

what I've seen, it's what I've learned.

Again, it's not magic. It involves shifting the brain's filters, habits, and emotional states.

So, the first thing we're gonna talk about...

It's so funny. Quick little story or just comment. guess my dad, two years ago, he came to visit and he brought me this book. I'm doing my, I record video too while I'm podcasting, it's neuro linguistic programming for dummies. so learning how to set goals and strategies, building rapport and communicating effectively and how to really change your life and all these things like all the neuro psychology really.

so the big part of that, that we're going to talk about, it's called the reticular activating system or RAS. and what it is, it's a network in your brain. Think of it like a spider web, right? And it helps filter information and it shapes what we pay attention to.

by what we're thinking.

And so a really great example of this because this is happening to me lately because I'm always like, okay, my next car, if you don't know this about me, I am obsessed with vehicles. I love vehicles. I love seeing what what's new, what comes out. I love like dreaming about what color my, you know, my future Lincoln Navigator is going to be or my future Cadillac or my

future Tahoe like the big mom mobile. That's me. But anyways, when you start thinking like when I started thinking about the car, I'm like, okay, I love Tahoe's. I love Tahoe's and then all of a sudden I start seeing them everywhere. Is that a coincidence? No, it's because of your RAS, your RAS, your reticular activating system, your thoughts.

help your brain understand what to pay attention to. So now that you're thinking about that Tahoe, you are going to be subconsciously looking for it everywhere. It's truly, it's like when you hear your brain is a computer, it truly is. And it is the most powerful computer in the world. Let me just tell you. And so the relevance of that to manifestation is that when you decide what you want, what you really want.

Okay, whether it's It can be anything, you know your dream house your dream car your this for me like I'm I want my next embodied jumper, you know, it's like a hundred and twenty dollar jumper It can be your favorite meal. Like you're really craving something. You really want it When you decide what you want Your RAS looks for evidence

It looks for opportunities and patterns aligned with that decision. So.

But I want you, this is like a really important thing to remember. And this is just a really wide, general explanation. In podcasts down the road, we will get into all these different parts. But I'm kind of giving you like a general overview, because I find it fascinating. If you're here, I hope you do too.

you have to decide what you want. And this is something that I struggle with because I want so many things. So I'm automatically like, okay, but if I focus on this thing, what about all these other things that I really, really, really want? Right? You can't have every everything that you want all at once because you have to have the consistency and the focus and those actions. And you can't take action on absolutely everything at one time. Right?

So decide what you want, even if it's like in the next year, within the next year, if you are a working mom and you want to make a certain amount of money, you know, you have to make that goal. And then that really goes into like neuroplasticity. So simply put, this is how the brain changes. This is how you make change with consistent thought.

and experiences. So when you want to make a change, you have to consistently think those thoughts, the good things, or thinking about what you want every day and all the experiences you're going through. You want them to align with what you want or what will help you get what you want. What will help you be the person that gets what they want.

And so it's the importance and the repetitiveness of affirmations, visualizations, mindful practices, to rewire those neural pathways and rewire is just another word for reframing, you know, so rewiring your mindset. That's just a generalized phrase. When we're going to rewire our mindset, we are going to rewire different

things at different times. Normally we start with what triggers us the most, what's causing the most problems in our life, and go from there.

And so the other part of that is understanding that your emotions.

amplify. They amplify your ability to notice and create opportunities. So you decide what you want and then you repetitively and consistently, even if you set a timer in your phone every hour, time to think about what we want. That's, you're going to get into the space. You're going to visualize having it and

your emotions, you need to feel the emotions of what it would be like to have that. And those emotions amplify your ability to see how to get it. It amplifies your ability to create the opportunities.

noticing and then creating come from taking actions. So I think what's misunderstood about manifestation is that, if you say these affirmations 10 times a day, every day for 30 days, you're gonna, you're, it's, you're gonna manifest your dream life. But what's not talked about is the actions. So yes, you do all these things. You think about what you want.

You consistently and repetitively think about what you want. You visualize what you want. You affirm all those things with what you want with your words. But you also have to take steps. So, okay, you want this thing. What do you have to do to get that? Do you need more money? Do you need more time to make the money? Do you need a new way to make the money? Do you want to find a side hustle?

You have to pick a route. You have to pick a path. And then take steps to get there. Manifestation isn't just about saying something that you want and just thinking that it's going to happen. It's actually work and it's like manifesting in itself and learning the steps, knowing what you want, deciding that that's what you want. And then purposefully

thinking about it, purposely, routinely, repetitively thinking about what you want. That's why I say it's a skill. Because it's not, I mean, of course there are outliers, there are people who just are in their power and they just can hold the faith and they know it's gonna happen. It's a done deal. And that's where I want you to get. I'm getting goosebumps when I talk about this. I just love it.

so let's talk a little bit about motherhood. Okay. So we just talked about like ourself and manifestation and how that works and how it looks, but let's talk about how, our beliefs really affect our motherhood. Right. So

We are our children's models. We're the role models, right?

And the thing about being a role model is they don't listen to what you say necessarily. They watch what you do. So if you are somebody who is emotionally immature and you react instead of respond and you yell instead of communicate and you don't know how to set boundaries and then you get overwhelmed, all of these things, that's what our child, our children are learning. And this is not shame. I'm not shaming anybody. I have

been there. my god, I have, you know, so many regrets and things and that I wish that I could have been a better mom. But I know that I am the best mom for my babies and that I've done a truly incredible job. But our children absorb our beliefs and our habits. So, you know, and that's from all their caretakers. So

whether it's their daycare lady or their dad or their stepmom or you, like it's important.

It's important to know who our children are around and what they're exposed to. And our mindset and the way that we think about things can influence our children's perspective on life, their self-esteem, and even the resilience that they build or don't build.

So that goes into like limiting beliefs versus empowering beliefs. And some common examples that I see a lot, okay? Many moms have like the, never have enough time. I'm not doing enough. I didn't get anything done today. And I will bet 99 % of the time those things are not true. We just don't.

put value on most of the things that we do because of our culture. What we are doing, if you're a stay at home mom, that's your job. Again, the most valuable job there is, the most invaluable, because there's no price for it. I mean, we do it because it's our duty and our obligation because we've had these children and we love them. So some practical ways to shift.

into empowering beliefs.

See, I you were gonna come in here. Yeah.

Yeah, because I stopped because I heard you come up the stairs.

Okay, now recording. I can't eat right now.

Did you find table golf? No, they all sucked. Okay, I know. That's a lying one, but nothing pretty, nothing real. I know, it's so dumb. it was trash. And then they didn't have any, like all their green holes were gone. I asked the lady, like, what's that birthday? She goes, that's not coming back. I'm like, Jesus. She goes, chocolates are getting moved out. She goes, I was like, why? She goes, they're not healthy. She goes, so a lot of these chocolates are being moved out because of all the artificial stuff in them.

She goes, there's a big thing that's going on right now where stores are getting on board with getting rid of all these like poisonous brands of food. I was like, wow. She goes, yeah, it's all clear. So I'm like, well, I'm going back to my wife. Yeah. All right. Anyways, have fun. Love you. Love you. I'm going to go work on some stuff. Cool. Oh, here. He finally settled. But yeah, he's just struggling. Here, drink this. I just don't want waste He doesn't feel good. I know. And he has that cool mouth. I think he has it.

If he doesn't start feeling better, he might have some of that respiratory shit or maybe pneumonia. they afraid? Strap. Strap is what was going wrong. I know, but he's like got that, he had that whipping cough shit in his throat, that rasp. It wasn't that raspy, I guess just sweat, productive cough. We can take it if he doesn't start to feel better. Love you. Have fun. Love you.

Okay, so I create time for what matters. I'm doing my best and that is enough.

I was having a hard day today and I decided to rest.

I needed to be outside today. So me and the kids spent the time outside and the house just didn't matter. And that's okay. It's okay that the house is messed today because we had so much fun and I made so many memories with my kids. Like we have to reframe, shift those thoughts. Cause thinking like, I'm a bad mom. Like, I didn't make them a really healthy meal today. Like I suck.

Like we don't want those thoughts becoming our children's thoughts. And more than that, we don't need those thoughts. We don't need to think badly of ourselves because we have a hard day or priority shift and we have to make a change or there's a last minute errand that we totally forgot about. Like we don't have to make ourselves feel bad about that. So just make sure like what we can do is just build a supportive environment.

encouraging the positive language and supportive relationships at home. Really modeling for our children how we speak to ourselves, modeling for our children what we do and how we respond when we make mistakes, letting them see us apologize and being like, you know what, that was not the mom I want to be for you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I yelled at you. That's, I did not.

I don't want to hurt your feelings. I don't want to make you feel bad. I overreacted. I was overwhelmed and I just need a minute. Like there are so many great ways that we can just talk to our children and I think a lot of it comes down to their humans. So let's just talk to them that way. Children understand. They understand so much more than we give them credit for. They're so smart and it's

not just from the words, it's the way that our physical bodies respond in our body language and the energy around us. They can feel all of that. And something, but like, okay, so Bob Proctor is one of my biggest mentors and

visualization and affirmation exercises are things that I, he's one of the people that I've learned how to do those things from. But it's something that you can do with your children. And something I found a few years ago before everybody found out about it was that Snoop Dogg made affirmation songs for kids and

Literally, I was making my kids listen to those all the time. I love Snoop Dogg more than that. I love Snoop Dogg and Martha together. Like they're my favorite. But doing those types of things like the affirmations and I didn't really explain it. If you're new to this type of stuff visualization is just mentally seeing what you want to happen or you know, whatever you want, but practicing closing your eyes.

and then seeing the story play out in your head like, okay.

I'm going to like, and you can do it daily. You can do it to have an intentional day, right? Okay, I'm gonna get the kids to school. I'm gonna do my hair. I'm gonna look great. I'm gonna go do this. Today is Thursday, so we are going to the library and I see my kids acting really well and not having a meltdown when we leave and it's a really powerful tool. It guides us.

And so just before we go and get out of here, I wanted to give you some practical steps to manifest your desired reality. Now, if you are new to this work, it is going to take time. And I'm not saying it'll take time to manifest that thing if you are really great with consistency and repetitiveness, but it's a skill and

Don't think that just because you want this thing, you say you want this thing that it's going to happen. You have to take action. You're the action taker. Your job is not to know when it's going to happen and your job is not to know how. We don't give the universe instructions. We tell them what we want. We make that commitment to take the action and that the universe does the rest. Now I use universe in a very

general term. Some people refer to it as God or source or whatever that word is for you that power that we know drives the universe. Okay. So the first thing you do is have to set really clear intentions. You need to identify what you truly desire for yourself and for your family. It can be two separate things like you really want, you know, your physical health or for me, I like I want

Braces I've wanted braces since I was a kid And I LASIK like and that sounds very vain and very physical but as somebody who's dealt with crooked teeth and glasses for basically their whole life and Want to just run around with your kids and I've taken glasses off not worried about your baby touching them like Getting them all dirty and gross and then just having pretty teeth like it's okay to want to look better

It's okay to want to have a beautiful non crooked smile. And I'm just saying that to give you the permission if you need it, because sometimes I'm like, Alan, really? Like you're beautiful just the way you are. Is that why you teach your kids? And it is, but it's okay if you want to change too. And that's also what I tell them. So how do you identify what you want? And I will tell you one of the biggest.

best tools you can use journaling. Journaling helps you get all those thoughts and feelings and emotions out of your head and onto the paper. And it really clears out the space for you. But it also allows you to see, wow, okay, I do want this. Or maybe even I don't want this. Creating vision boards, that's why vision boards are great because you can see it every single day. You can change it.

And that's the thing too that always like just stop me from doing anything. I'm like, oh, what if I change like in a year? Like, and I don't want to do this anymore. Like, yeah, I might as well not even start. I might as well not even ask for it. Like, no, please do. You need to decide what you want. Use journaling, vision boards. There's digital apps that you can use. There's like apps that'll send you a reminder. There's apps that'll send you affirmations every hour. Like,

There are so many tools that you can use. can screenshot, know, can write down what you want, write down your goals, screenshot it and have it there on your wallpaper, on your phone, but it just helps crystallize the goals. It makes it real. And we want our RAS, you know, our reticular Activating System to be searching for the opportunities and the things we need to do. Another thing that's great is having a really

either mindful morning routine or nighttime routine. Right now, my mornings are kind of skewed because I have young kids and our, literally, priority is changing day by day. My husband was terminated from his job like two and a half weeks ago right after we bought a car because they said he had to stop being remote and come in, all these things, right? So our morning routine, kids go to school, then I decide what to do.

but having a mindful morning routine is great. And that's what I hope to have soon. But mine is surrounded by my physical health, getting, you know, cause I'm part of.

don't know what you would call it. It's a, it's a membership for moms called the fit mom method.

And that's for my nutrition and my physical goal.

but I want to be doing that in the mornings and I do go on a two mile walk every day and I really want to start getting that in in the morning instead of the midday or evenings because it's hard because I just want to go to bed. Simple meditation or breathing exercises to like center yourself. Don't overwhelm yourself with meditation. Okay, it's just moments to yourself. Truly just sit in a quiet area. Breathe.

Just breathe. If big thoughts come up, let them and then let them pass. Don't add thoughts or beliefs to them. Just watch them like on a movie screen. And you only have to do it for a minute or two at a time. Like you don't have to expect yourself to be perfect.

And then you can do affirmations or gratitude practice to start the day in a positive frame mind. But you can also do it at the end of the day when you're going to bed and then your brain is getting into a...

There's a certain type of REM, I think it's theta, you're getting into the theta state which it kind of opens your subconscious and it's very open to suggestions. So I create affirmations and then I record them on my phone and then I listen to them as I fall asleep.

your voice is the most powerful voice to you. It's a wonderful tool. And then really just focus on small wins. You guys have to celebrate every little single step. And I told you guys I've been doing this work for nine years. Nine. My hope is once I get the membership open, our membership open called Wild and Worthy Collective on March 31st.

We will be able to collapse that timeline for you to be able to work through all of these limiting beliefs and negative patterns that you have to start manifesting that life that you want. And there's a science to manifestation. It's not just, you know, just woo woo, people call woo woo. It's real and it's, it's it's just incredible. And my hope is to help you guys.

get there in a timely fashion, okay? And just remember that those micro successes that you have, those small wins, okay, yes, I did my visualization today. I did my affirmations before I went to bed. I did my little morning routine. I went on my walk. Whatever it is that is the steps, the action steps that you're taking to become the person you need to be to do.

to have and do and be all the things, it reinforces that positive feedback loop in your brain. And then you start noticing those things more. We want to be positive with ourselves. We want to be kind with ourselves. And really just regular reflection and then adjustments.

Reflection is kind of that a word for, I mean, it's really just the word. Like you reflect on your day. There is a book that I read, oh my God, Successful Habits of, or Habits of Successful People, something like that. I forget the man's name, but it's a great book and it talks about reflection. And at the end of every day,

It's a great time to go through your day. Visualize your day. Okay, this happened, this happened. What did you like? What did you not like? Did you not like that you had a rush in the morning because you didn't prepare things the night ahead? Okay, we can tweak that. We can change that. Making those adjustments. That's how you're gonna get to where you wanna go.

And then the other thing is like weekly check-ins. Again, that'll be part of the membership where we are getting on there every week together. Okay, what steps did you take this week? What action steps? How did that support your goal? What are you gonna try next? Did you like that? Do you not? Are you gonna change your goal? Are you gonna tweak your goal? Like.

I cannot wait to help you guys with this.

So just the takeaways from our episode today, I know it was long and juicy and lovely and it just had so many things. Remember this was just a broad conversation about manifestation of motherhood. So recap, our brain filters reality through our beliefs, through the RAZ system. So make sure you're choosing them wisely. You do get to choose. Somebody says,

It's a quote, I'll have to find it. You don't choose the first thought, but you choose the ones after. You choose the second and the third. The next one is simple daily habits can profoundly shift your mindset in the outcomes that you want.

and then remembering to.

remembering to take the action steps and then celebrating those little tiny wins.

So if you wanted some homework, you wanted something to do, an action step, write down one limiting belief that you want to replace with an empowering one. What I want you to do, what I would love for you to do is join our new Facebook group, okay? It's free, it's just, I wanted to be able to support you guys in a bigger way.

And so we're going to have these, some of these conversations off of the podcast and actually meet each other and talk. it's called empowered millennial moms. Okay. I just started it today. So it's small. Don't worry about it. Jump on there. Introduce yourself. Follow all that.

And in the comments, like write the homework, episode 72, write down one limiting belief that you want to replace and then tell us what you're going to replace it with. I cannot wait to read these because I want to be able to support you through it. Make sure that you join us next week. We drop an episode every Friday, just in time for the weekend. So you have some time to

implement, listen and implement these, you know, fun episodes, but I love you guys so much. I'm so glad you're here and I will see you on the next episode of mindset shifts for months.